August = Change – July 25, 2007

There are so many changes in such a short amount of time that I have decided to rename “August,” “Changeling.”

I have been back from Brazil almost a week and the reality of all these changes are slapping me in the face. I start school in about a month. Weird. It seems more and more real as I fill out the plethora of papers Biola University is throwing my way – financial aid, health office information, all in time for registration on August 1. I am so excited for school, but I’m also nervous. I truly have no idea what to expect with my program and that makes me a bit fearful.

Big Change 2. I just found out that my job won’t be able to accommodate my change of schedule with school, so I am officially job hunting. They have been awesome and I think I can continue here till I start school, but I am sad to leave here. I have loved my co-workers and the beautiful campus at Chapman University. It’s funny, because I had attended here years ago and left with a bad taste in my mouth. This year working here has redeemed and healed so much. I have no idea where I’ll be working, but if anyone knows of a job that is 30-32 hours/week, please let me know.

And to top off the month of Changeling, I’m moving at the end of the month.

These are all good things, but it feels so concentrated. I love adventures, but it is always the risk part that initially makes me fearful (that’s contradicting itself, isn’t it). When in Brazil, our second flight was a bit rough, especially the landing. I was complaining about it once we got off the plane, but then I had a thought that this is what adventure is. Adventure is the unknown, the crazy plane flights, the sudden change of plans, the excitement of newness. If the adventure becomes sanitized and controlled, then it ceases to be an adventure. We want the appearance of adventure, but the guarantee of safety. I think I quite often approach my relationship with God in the same way. I say I want all He has for me, but when new things come, I find myself grasping for control and guarantees, not trusting Him at all.

So, I have two choices. I can skim the surface, and only experience pretend to fully immerse myself in change, or I can jump, without abandon, into the wild, blue yonder.

I choose to jump.

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