Top Secret

Can I let you in on a secret?  Just you and me?

I hate Valentine’s Day.  There, I said it.  I’m always scared to admit this to the general public, because I automatically get pinned as a shrew (I apparently only surround myself with those who use Shakespearean insults).  Let’s make a deal.  I’ll explain why I disdain the holiday and you reserve your judgment till the end of the post.  Deal?

I don’t remember the moment I began to hate Valentine’s Day.  I mean, as a kid it meant parties and lots of chocolate.  Who can object to that?  Plus, you get to make fun Valentine’s mailboxes for your desk.  However, the older I got, the more suspicious I became of the holiday.  One year in Jr. high I decided to make my own twisted Valentine’s Day cards.  I still take pride in them to this day.  They had odd, yet topical greetings on them, like:

I’d kill to be your Valentine!

-Dr. Kevorkian

Clearly I was a creative, albeit unique, individual.  My frustration grew and grew, but I don’t think it was solely connected to my being single.  Something in Valentine’s Day seemed so insincere to me.  Oh crap, I have to spend way too much money on ugly, overpriced flowers and chocolates to prove how much I care.  As one who would potentially receive these gifts I think, Hey buddy, no one’s forcing you to.  Also, you could be creative.  But no, instead we just do what Hallmark tells us to do and buy the card, etc., because that really communicates how much you love a person.  (Note: I am being sarcastic in the last sentence).

Last year I was in a grocery store on Valentine’s Day night.  It was hilarious watching all the guys running around, with mild to medium panic in their eyes, trying to scoop up whatever last minute Valentine’s Day crap they could.  The lines were littered with guys holding beat up flowers and a card.  I just laughed.  Then I wondered, does it work?  I mean, here these guys are, showing the lowest amount of care.  They are doing this just because society expects them to.  Do the women they are going home to really receive that as thoughtfulness?

And my other beef with Valentine’s Day, the exorbitant amount spent on tacky gifts.  For what you’re spending on those overpriced flowers (because let’s face it, flowers on that holiday are not of the greatest quality) you could get something really cool, like a few of seasons of 30 Rock on DVD or that book on improve you’ve been wanting.  I say, get a cute, but reasonably priced bouquet from Trader Joe’s (or better yet, sneak some from a neighbor’s yard) and then get a gift that shows how much you know a person.  And even better, do it on an unexpected day.  Don’t do it on the day when everyone else is.  Be original.  Be creative.

Perhaps it’s not that I hate Valentine’s Day, but rather that I don’t respect it.  Only one thing has slightly swayed my thoughts on Valentine’s Day.  Last week Paperless Post had the cutest card that said “Brie Mine!”  Darn it, they capitalized on my affinity for cheese culture.  Automatic street cred in Jen’s mind.

So, here are my cheese themed Valentine’s Day cards:

It’d be gouda for you and I to be Valentines!

I’d be bleu (cheese) without you!

You roq(fort) Valentine!

I’m feta up with you! (This one is if you need to break up with your Valentine)


See, I’m not a shrew!

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