A Great Story?

I’m in the midst of a great story, but in this moment it does not feel so great.

This sums up my life pretty well right now.  A few months ago I had a sense that changes were on their way.  I felt both excited and nervous as I anticipated their arrival.  May 1 ushered in the first wave of changes.  The change both surprised me and didn’t surprise me.  I thought I would have had more time before having to make a choice, but all of a sudden an answer was required, and quickly.  So, I made the first choice that has set me off onto a definite path.  I am not sure where that path leads.

I also have been in the midst of changing out my car situation.  I forgot about all the details that are required to make car purchases and sales possible.  I also forgot how easily those details can be frustrated and inter-connected. My health has not been great.  I’ve been to the doctor’s for various issues multiple times over the last month, even as much as 2-3 appointments a week.  I think this has been the part that has drained me the most.  I wonder if all these changes wouldn’t be so burdensome if I were feeling better physically.

I feel like I am in a tornado these days, swept up into something larger than myself.  I am scared and excited.  I am not sure where I will land.  Some days I can trust God  and see that He is moving me into something.  Other days, the stress of all the changes overwhelm me.

I feel tired.  I feel overwhelmed.  I am ready to land.

Some small and quiet part of my soul knows that this change is good.  It knows that God is working.  It believes that I am not alone in this.  The louder part of my soul speaks doubt.  It distrusts everything.  It feels abandoned.   Yet, I notice a slight shift in this month.  The louder, doubting part of me is beginning to get quieter.  The small, true voice is emerging, and resonating deeply within.

I think if I were going through these changes last year I would have been petrified and curled in fetal position on the floor.  Today, I am still scared, but trembling forward, gaining strength with each step onward.

One thought on “A Great Story?

  1. Sorry to hear about all your struggles, especially the physical ones. But so encouraged to learn you are leaning into God. He does his best work during our times of confusion and loss. Looking forward to hearing more about your great adventure with him. Sending lots of good wishes for renewed health and strength.

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