Give me my scallop shell of quiet;

My staff of faith to walk upon; 

My scrip of joy, immortal diet; 

My bottle of salvation; 

My gown of glory (hope’s true gage) 

And then I’ll take my pilgrimage.

 – Sir Walter Raleigh

Since going public about my walking the Camino de Santiago, many have asked the obvious question: why? My short answer: because the Camino called me.

Truly though, the answer is much more involved than simply “being called”. Almost six years ago I started working for Saddleback Church. One of my coworkers (who became a dear friend) told me that Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez had come to Saddleback earlier that year to screen their latest project, The Way. I was curious about this movie (especially since I had recently discovered the glories of The West Wing) and it conveniently popped up on Netflix. As you may have guessed, the movie focuses on the Camino. Immediately, I was fascinated by the idea of this pilgrimage, which involves day after day trekking across Spain.

As I watched this film, I knew. I knew that I would walk this path. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew. These moments sound crazy when you’re describing them to another person, but internally, it felt right, almost like responding to a call that had always been within. So, I tucked this calling into my heart, waiting for the day when the time would arrive.

Throughout the years, the Camino would continue to come to mind, but the timing just wasn’t right. I continued to wait, until the beginning of this year when I prayed about the year to come. Once again, I began to consider the Camino, but this time I realized that I had space in September, which would give me eight months to plan, save, and train. I knew that life wouldn’t always offer me space like this again, so I suspected this might be the time. I initially had a friend who was interested in joining me, but it didn’t end up working with her schedule. Even as I waited to hear her final decision, I knew I had to make my decision independent of hers.

I will walk the Camino, even if I walk it alone.

Strangely enough, I feel more and more settled in walking this on my own. I am excited to meet people from all over the world, but I also am glad that at the core, this trip is about God and myself.

As I prepare, I start to sense the places God is calling me to explore with him on the Camino. And yet, there is a veil of mystery over this pilgrimage. I don’t quite know what to expect. I don’t know what I will experience. I don’t know who I will emerge as following this trek. I am an odd mixture of peace and anxiety in the midst of these mysteries. I fear the unknown, yet I feel a peace in knowing that I cannot play mental gymnastics and figure out what will happen on my Camino. I may not know the specifics of my Camino, but I know that it is God who is calling me. And I must go.