The Double-Edged Sword of Strength
By Sarah Cruz
(Note: if you missed the introduction to this series, be sure to read it first.)
Ask anyone who knows me . . . they’ll most likely use some version of the word “strong” to describe me.
I used to play roller derby, I love CrossFit and weightlifting, surfing and snowboarding. I am a creative director in my workplace and a leader in ministry. I’ve traveled to ISIS-threatened countries to serve refugees. I am involved in racial reconciliation work. And I do it all without a partner or husband to pick up the slack or carry me when I’m not feeling it. All of these things require strength.
So yeah, people will say I’m strong, but I have an uneasy relationship with that word. I think maybe it’s because it is an attribute normally associated with men. Calling a man “strong” is a compliment. But, if you call a woman “strong”…is it praise, or more of an underhanded way of calling her bossy or stubborn?
Maybe I feel uneasy because “too strong” is often the phrase people use when they unsolicitedly offer up possible reasons as to why I’m still single (can you not?). Or maybe it’s because there’s this pressure to be everything – it’s not enough to be strong, and good, and kind. I also need to somehow stay young forever (can we just talk about the fear of aging that our culture breeds in us? 40 is coming and I’m honestly sort of terrified). I need to somehow be independent but not so much so that it turns off potential dates (what?). I attach all these and other words and expectations and caveats to the word “strength”. No wonder I’m uncomfortable with such a heavy-laden adjective. Strength becomes a double-edged sword.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not going to put down that sword of strength. That’s not who God made me to be. I’m more of the front lines warrior type, not the stay-back-and-tend-to-the-castle type. But how do I make strength something that works with me and for me and not against me? And, infinitely more important, how do I make it something that honors the woman God dreamed up when he was creating me? How can I become more like Christ in my strength, and less insecure, isolated, and full of self-doubt?
Since this is a blog post, I’m going to break out the bullet points for ya’ll. Below is an unfinished, non-exhaustive list of the lessons I’m learning as I try to healthfully wield the sword of strength in my life.
- Strength shouldn’t be solitary.
The biggest, hardest lesson I’ve learned lately is that me insisting on doing everything myself isn’t a virtue. My friends, family, coworkers and community want to do life with me. They want to be there for me. They want to walk with me and shoulder my burdens with me. It doesn’t lessen my strength to lean on the strength of others, which leads me to the next point.
- Strength doesn’t supplant.
There’s no need to have a scarcity mindset when it comes to strength. There’s not a finite pool we all draw from. There’s no need to be threatened by the strength of another person. I can run with other strong women and our individual strength is only amplified, not diminished. My small group used to call each other “elephant sisters”. We read a story about how female elephants will circle around their sister elephant who is injured or giving birth. They circle around her, facing out, using their strength to protect her while she cannot protect herself. That’s the beauty of living freely and abundantly in strength. It doesn’t drive us to compete with each other, it becomes the thing we use to protect and serve each other.
- Strength is feminine.
I remember a joke the actor Betty White made a few years ago in regards to a derogatory word men use towards each other. By calling another man by a female body part, it’s the ultimate putdown and a way of telling him he’s weak. Miss Betty took offense to that (as do I), saying that it takes immeasurable strength to do what a woman’s body does.
Maybe this is a vulgar way to make my point, but it’s a point to be made all the same. What women uniquely do – growing and bringing forth life, loving and nurturing (regardless of whether we’re biological mothers or not), bringing beauty to the world around us, protecting and passing on culture, stepping into the gap, healing, building communities and relationships – it’s the strongest stuff around. And yet, women do all this as effortlessly as taking a breath. That’s strength.
- Strength’s source isn’t my own fortitude, it’s the Father.
The temptation for most strong women is to look within when the challenges come. But no, my sisters, that’s short-sighted and doomed to leave us lonely and exhausted. Our source is the God who spoke the entire universe into being with just his words. Our well is full of the Water of Life who never runs dry, and who gives more than we need. Our security doesn’t come from our ability to fight off our enemies but from the One who defeated the power of sin and death. Our strength comes from the fact that we are daughters of the King.
So let’s wear that crown proudly. Let’s redeem the word “strength” for ourselves. Let’s make sure the sword of strength that we carry is one that doesn’t wound or deflect, but brings life and safety and energy to those around us.
She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
– Proverbs 31:17 ESV
Bio: Sarah Cruz is the Creative Director / Chief Storyteller for Saddleback Church, a worshiper, and new breed freedom fighter.
Song choice: The entire Black Panther soundtrack
Why: Because it stands for representation, female empowerment, and is the best Marvel movie of all time. #WakandaForever
Listen to the Stronger playlist here.
Catch up on all of the Stronger posts:
When We Roar by Amanda Macadam
Finally by Jessica Lacy Driscoll
Model and Empower by Lydia Lockhart
Courage to Be Me by Jen Ip