Walking around my room these last few days has been like walking around a ghost town. Things are packed or in process of being packed. I am going to miss this place. My room. My chair in the corner. I wonder if I will ever be back here.

Something about my Camino has me wondering if I’ll end up back in Pasadena or if my life will change completely. It’s so strange to sit on the precipice of the unknown. It can be exciting. And terrifying. And disorienting. Today I feel disoriented. As I walk through the kitchen and prepare my coffee, every action takes on a sort of sanctity.

I had been debating about whether or not my hiking shoes were working. Today I woke up knowing that they were not. My heels move around too much when I walk. Even though REI has this amazing return policy, I’m still nervous about returning them. But I have to get over what people think of me. I’m not willing to have major blisters my whole trip just to be liked by the staff at the Arcadia REI. I don’t love the idea of starting over with shoes, but I do know that the shoes I trained in, really did work well with my feet.

The hardest part of these last few days? All of the goodbyes. Some goodbyes are more permanent. I left my job to do this walk. Others, are short term. Some goodbyes I really feel. Others, I feel numb. I cried as I saw my brother and sister-in-law off at the airport. I may not see them till after my nephew is born and I feel sad over that. Even as I type this, I feel sad.

I’ve had all of these little psychosomatic symptoms emerge that indicate I am stressed – back aches and headaches. Some of the stress is from all of the preparations and the rest is from the emotions I am repressing. When I first booked my ticket for this trip, all I could think about was the excitement of this adventure. Now, as I am one week out, I remember how painful it is to say goodbye and that this is part of the trip as well.

People tell me I’ll be fine, to not worry so much. And then they go on to ask all these fear inducing questions. I look so young, so I think they’re worried that I’m some young doe who has no idea what she’s doing. I’ve done my share of traveling, some of it on my own. I know the things I need to do. My favorite moment was at AAA. I was asking questions about travel insurance and the agent helping me let me know that I should alert my credit cards that I am traveling. I had already told her that I had lived overseas before. But still, she felt the need to give me the most basic travel advice ever. Sometimes I am too responsible, so it feels humorous when people assume that I’m not. Maybe I should just show them my google sheets with my to-do lists and packing lists.

I am savoring these last moments, sitting in my favorite chair in my room, typing, as I feel the cool breeze from outside (shocking at this time of year), and listening to the sound of the freeway outside of my window.

One week out.