I Can’t Keep Quiet
By Jen Manglos
(Note: Don’t miss out on my special announcement at the bottom of the post!)
Cuz no one knows me no one ever will
If I don’t say something, take that dry blue pill
They may see that monster, they may run away
But I have to do this
I can’t keep quiet, no oh oh oh oh oh oh
I can’t keep quiet, no oh oh oh oh oh oh
A one woman riot, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
– “Quiet” by Milck
My friend recently introduced me to a song by the singer Milck, called “Quiet”. As I listened, I knew this song was expressing the cry of my soul. And my soul responded with messy tears. This entire series has been about speaking out, not staying quiet, and giving voice to women. I’ve been so excited this month as the series has come together, but I also recognize that my ability to speak up and speak out has been the result of many years of praying, wrestling, and healing.
I began to question the roles of women in the church when I was in college. I came across a book called “Why Not Women,” which was exciting for me. I had wondered what to make of Bible passages on women, while I was also feeling a pull towards serving Christ. I mentioned this book to a leader in the college ministry I was part of. He lent me a different book on men and women, which I immediately started to read. I was open to what it might say, but couldn’t make it past chapter one. In it, the male author used an analogy about men and women in the church, comparing it to how he always drives when he and his wife are together. Cue me slamming the book closed. It was a poor argument, but more so, the idea put forth in the book didn’t sit right with me. However, I learned to shut my mouth. I didn’t want to be labeled as not taking the Bible serious, or heretical, or liberal. Or even worse than all of that. The “f” word. Feminist. I wanted to be accepted in the church, so I kept quiet, but all the while, I had these beliefs that more should be possible for women.
I eventually went to seminary, which was mostly a positive experience. I rarely bumped into issues regarding my gender and after graduating I was invited to become an adjunct faculty member. A couple of years later, I started working for a church. My co-workers were (and still are) lovely, kind people who loved Jesus. However, I kept bumping up into this invisible force that seemed to divide me from my male co-workers. When I mentioned it, I was shut down. People looked at me like I was crazy. But one day, our women’s director not only affirmed my experience, she also named it: Things are different here for women. I saw men, without seminary training, constantly promoted. While me with my seminary degree and two years of adjunct teaching, was stuck in the administrative pay grade and limited as to what I could offer others. That pressure could have shut me down. Instead, it made me stronger. I became more firm in my theological beliefs about women in the church and I stopped caring what others thought about that. I even started to use the “f” word in describing myself (Hello, my name is Jen and I am a Christian feminist). I started to see that the power imbalance wasn’t just happening to women. It was happening to my brothers and sisters of other ethnicities and races. But God doesn’t just empower white men to do his work. No, he empowers all of us, because we are all his creation. He loves us with a love more fierce than we will ever realize on this side of life. He doesn’t call us based on our anatomy or the color of our skin. And when all of his creation is released to reflect his love without bounds, then the church thrives. I wonder what reconciliation and reformation would be possible in the church if we unleashed all of our congregations to do the work God has called them to do?
I ended up leaving the position a couple of years ago so that I could focus on starting a non-profit retreat ministry, geared towards supporting pastors and leaders in their spiritual development. But I couldn’t shake this desire I had for women to be set free. For years, it has felt like a side interest. I never imagined that it had anything to do with my calling in life. One day it hit me. Why is this separate? Why is this passion for women being sidelined? Maybe it is supposed to be part of the vision for this retreat ministry. I’m still figuring out what that looks like. I don’t have a lot of answers, but I know that I am to champion women, leaders and pastors, and invite them to deepen in God’s never ending love.
My hope for this series is that you would be affirmed in who you are and what you are called to do in this world. It’s scary when there is a lack of representation, when you’re the only one doing the that thing you’ve been called to do. You may not have your voice yet, but know that there are women around the world who shout out on your behalf.
We can’t and won’t stay quiet.
Thank you to all of my amazing contributors: Amanda, Jessica, Lydia, Jen, Sarah, and Emily! I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to not be quiet. You are my lady heroes!
Announcement!!!
As the Stronger series came together I also had an idea to take these ideas and put some flesh on them. What would it look like for women to come together, to let go of the messages about their identity that burden them, and to practice living into their God-given strength? Life coach (and contributor to the Stronger series) Jessica Lacy Driscoll and I began to talk and dream, which led to planning and praying, which landed us here, announcing:
Stronger Women’s Retreat: Experience Your True Strength
Saturday, May 5th
8:30am-4:00pm
Long Beach, CA
I’ve been so excited about this retreat and am so glad I finally get to announce it! This day experience includes teaching, embodied practices, prayer, solitude, and small group time, focused on what it looks like to live authentically as a strong, Christian woman.
Won’t you join us for this special day retreat?
Registration opens today! We’re offering Early Bird Registration pricing, so be sure to take advantage of that before April 8th.
For more information and to register, click here.
Catch up on all of the Stronger posts:
When We Roar by Amanda Macadam
Finally by Jessica Lacy Driscoll
Model and Empower by Lydia Lockhart
Courage to Be Me by Jen Ip
The Double-Edged Sword of Strength by Sarah Cruz
That Glass-Throated Woman by Emily Ruth Hazel
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