A Great Story?

I’m in the midst of a great story, but in this moment it does not feel so great.

This sums up my life pretty well right now.  A few months ago I had a sense that changes were on their way.  I felt both excited and nervous as I anticipated their arrival.  May 1 ushered in the first wave of changes.  The change both surprised me and didn’t surprise me.  I thought I would have had more time before having to make a choice, but all of a sudden an answer was required, and quickly.  So, I made the first choice that has set me off onto a definite path.  I am not sure where that path leads.

I also have been in the midst of changing out my car situation.  I forgot about all the details that are required to make car purchases and sales possible.  I also forgot how easily those details can be frustrated and inter-connected. My health has not been great.  I’ve been to the doctor’s for various issues multiple times over the last month, even as much as 2-3 appointments a week.  I think this has been the part that has drained me the most.  I wonder if all these changes wouldn’t be so burdensome if I were feeling better physically.

I feel like I am in a tornado these days, swept up into something larger than myself.  I am scared and excited.  I am not sure where I will land.  Some days I can trust God  and see that He is moving me into something.  Other days, the stress of all the changes overwhelm me.

I feel tired.  I feel overwhelmed.  I am ready to land.

Some small and quiet part of my soul knows that this change is good.  It knows that God is working.  It believes that I am not alone in this.  The louder part of my soul speaks doubt.  It distrusts everything.  It feels abandoned.   Yet, I notice a slight shift in this month.  The louder, doubting part of me is beginning to get quieter.  The small, true voice is emerging, and resonating deeply within.

I think if I were going through these changes last year I would have been petrified and curled in fetal position on the floor.  Today, I am still scared, but trembling forward, gaining strength with each step onward.